Getting Married Changed Everything.
As an individual and as a therapist I realized something so salient on August 7, 2022 (the day after my weddings were over). Getting married changed EVERYTHING.. What do I mean? I mean that getting married was the experience that I needed to truly understand the boundaries that I need to set within every aspect of my life. Before walking down the aisle, I worked 60 hours a week towards the end of my engagement while telling my clients to practice work-life balance. I told my clients the importance of drinking water while I was going session after session struggling to drink water myself. However, getting married made me realize that I must prioritize myself, my marriage, my other relationships, and my well-being in order to show up in the best way possible for my clients. Getting married showed me why I can't tolerate burnout any longer and why my health is so important.
“Getting married was the experience that I needed to truly understand the boundaries that I need to set within every aspect of my life.”
This seems like such a grand revelation, right? Well, it was in many ways. However, I also think it was a combination of the growth I have made as a person and as a therapist until this point. For each person that reads this post I encourage you to think about where you are in your journey and what life events shifted everything for you. For me it was marrying my best friend. For others it may be starting a new career, moving to a new city or state, etc.
I got to this realization by asking myself the following questions:
What matters most to me? Who matters most to me?
How can I effectively serve if I have nothing left to give?
The hustle is important, but is it worth my wellbeing?
How do I want to show up in the relationships I have, especially my marriage?
These questions forced me to evaluate, to take in what I have learned from my training and my personal therapy and realize that I give so much and love to do so, but how much do I give to myself? Recently, it wasn’t enough! As I write this on my time off, there are a few important tips I am implementing for myself that I think are important to share with you all.
1. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs isn’t just a theory, it's real: Maslow was a theorist who wrote about how we need to focus on satisfying our most basic needs in order to function. As wedding planning got more and more stressful, I let these things slide and have learned I must intentionally work to never repeat that habit.
2. I am human, mistakes are okay: I share a lot of myself with my clients, especially my imperfections. I do so in order for my clients to know that understanding and improving our mental health is an evolving journey.
3. I love my work, but I love my life outside of it too: I LOVE being a therapist, I LOVE being a consultant. Each client I have in both spaces is truly a GIFT. However, balance is essential to serve my clients and myself best.
What do I want you to take away from this? Well, the first thing is that therapists and consultants are not perfect people who have it all together. We are humans who show up with our hearts professionally to best serve our clients. We are growing and learning right alongside you. Secondly, I want to provide you, my wonderful reader, the opportunity to ask yourself if you feel like you are giving to yourself as much as you give to those around you. Lastly, I wanted to make sure I emphasize that our basic needs help us function.
As a therapist and consultant, I hold expertise, but I do not hold perfection. That is the purpose of this post.
“ I will be patient with myself as I develop into the person I am meant to be. Being perfect is not the goal. Continuing to grow in a positive direction is the goal.”
